Young Writers Society

I liked it a lot! However. if you are tho change it (which I agree with Chocoholic on), I think "with someone else" would just flow better. I don't know how much your cousin wrote, but this was very good. Keep up the good work.

Time for an explanation! (so that the readers know why certain lines are like that)

Chocoholic said that the lines "That you know" and "You're faithful to me" didn't make any sense, but it's really supposed to be part of a sentence ("Quit pretending that you know you're faithful to me. It's like telling the guy to stop saying that he practically knows he's faithful, because he's not.). The not completely necessary part was totally not my fault. My cousin was with me when I was typing, and I let her read the lyrics. She told me it needed something, so I let her add the necessaries while I was out talking to my mom. I told her to post in for me, and I only found out about her editing now. (but the "So I'll quit pretending" part was totally mine. The only part she added was the part where the Quit Pretending's started repeating after the first one.) I'll just take it off. *grumbles about cousin* Anywho, the part where the word "girl" sort of distrupts the song, it was either "With some other girl" or "With somebody else," and I decided on girl... But I'll change it to somebody else.

Wow. Me, with a talent for lyrics? Impossible. All my previous songs stunk, if you ask me. And thanks.

In story it's just like half the songs on the charts, but there was something different about it. There was something refreshing and angry that I really liked.

It is really good! Usually I am not a fan of reading long posts, but I actually wanted to read all of it. Great job!

Hey! I really liked these lyrics. However, I agree with all the suggestions chocoholic made, especially the last section. Although it could maybe work if it was sung underneath a verse, at the moment it just makes the song unnecessarily long.

I liked the structure when you had three lines, then one in brackets. I could hear the bit in brackets sort of spoken. I also liked all the mirroring that you tend to do, which you can see throughout the whole song:

Quit pretending
That you know
What love is about
(It's obvious that you don't)
Quit pretending
You don't know
What I'm talking about
(Your guilt says that you know)

Then you saw the look
The look on my face
It expressed my pain

Now my lips feel empty
Away from yours

If that was true love,
I can't know for sure
What I felt for you,
The whole world can see
But you never told me
If even you could see

This is really good. You're got quite a talent for lyrics, judging by this song. I really liked it. In story it's just like half the songs on the charts, but there was something different about it. There was something refreshing and angry that I really liked. But there were some bits that didn't work for me.

Quit pretending
That you know
What love is about
(It's obvious that you don't)
Quit pretending
You don't know
What I'm talking about
(Your guilt says that you know)
'Cause in my mind I see you
Together with me
But with my own eyes I see you
With some other girl Girl just doesn't go. Think of a different word, because this line disrupts the entire song.
Yes, she's beautiful
And yes, she's blonde
But wasn't it you
Who told me I'm the one?

So quit pretending
That it's me
You still think about
('Cause I know that it's her)
And quit pretending
I'm the one
That's inside your heart
(Can't you see the hurt?)
At the airport
When you arrived from France
You went through the doors
With a lady in red
You were about to kiss her
Then you saw the look
The look on my face
It expressed my pain

So quit pretending
That you know This doesn't make sense. I'd change this line to something like, That you are
You're faithful to me If you take my previous advice, get rid of You're/
(And look into my eyes)
And quit pretending
That you weren't
Cheating on me
(I need your honesty)
Now my lips feel empty
Away from yours
If that was true love,
I can't know for sure
What I felt for you,
The whole world can see
But you never told me
If even you could see

So quit pretending
That you had
Real feelings for me
('Cause, really, you are numb)
And quit pretending
You want me back
Because you love me
(You know, I'm not that dumb)
You should know I fell
Madly in love with you
And when I saw that airport scene
I suddenly saw the truth
If you want, we can stay friends
But remember this:
Ever since you left me
You destroyed my bliss

Quit pretending
That you know
What love is about
[Quit pretending
You don't know
What I'm talking about
Quit pretending
That it's me
You still think about
Quit pretending
I'm the one
That's inside your heart
Quit pretending
That you know
You're faithful to me
Quit pretending
That you weren't
Cheating on me
Quit pretending
That you had
Real feelings for me
And quit pretending
You want me back
Because you love me ] Get rid of all this bit. It's really long and not completely necessary. You don't need it here.
So I'll stop pretending
I still love you
And I'll show you
The meaning of truth
So stop pretending
No one's deceived
Simply decide:
Daisy or me?


Overall, great. I didn't tell you the things I loved about it, but there were a lot. I'll show you a couple now.

Quit pretending
You don't know
What I'm talking about

So quit pretending
That you had
Real feelings for me
('Cause, really, you are numb)

And quit pretending
You want me back
Because you love me
(You know, I'm not that dumb)